torsdag den 15. januar 2015

How we went blind pt 1

So, I decided to tell you something very private, something no one in the whole world knows. But first, I'll trust you with another thing.
It's the story of my very first love and how I left him for some conservative prick who wasn't half as good, and how I ended up with the guy I'm with now.
I'm telling you this story hoping none of you will judge me, trust that I'm not some hoe. Knowing it is, in my condition, hard to know what you want.
I'm not saying schizophrenia is an excuse for treating people like I did, but all I'm saying is: schizophrenics have a harder time finding themselves, and that's why I should probably be alone for some time, but for some reason I just can't keep myself from bonding romantically with people, and I guess that's what ruined it from the start.

This will take some time for me to write but I feel like you should all know.

onsdag den 14. januar 2015

My medicine

So, I saw this post
A Man Got High on 52 Different Drugs Then Drew These Trippy Self-Portraits
on ryot.org (post here), and noticed two of the drugs is my medicine! Abilify, or aripiprazole.

Abilify is antidepressive and antipsychotic medicine, mainly used to treat schizoprenia. 


The one is my medicine and two other meds (Ativan and Xanax, both used to treat anxiety).
The result ended up

The next one was on Abilify only, but 90 mg! I think this one pretty fascinating:

This just makes me think of what's in my medicine

Uzumaki

I just want to make everyone know that this manga exists:


Even if you don't read manga - take a look. It's short and very interesting, kinda trippy actually. I read it months ago and am still thinking about it whenever I see a spiral.


Complete lyrics pt 1


People just ain't no good
I think that's well understood
You can see it everywhere you look
People just ain't no good

We were married under cherry trees
Under blossom we made pour vows
All the blossoms come sailing down
Through the streets and through the playgrounds

The sun would stream on the streets
Awoken by the morning bird
We'd the Sunday newspapers
And never read a single word

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good

Seasons came, seasons went
The winter stripped the blossoms bare
A different tree now lines the streets
Shaking its fists in the air 
The winter slammed us like a fist
The windows rattling in the gales
To which she drew the curtains 
Made out of her wedding veils

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good at all

To our love send a dozen while lilies
To our love send a coffin of wood
To our love let aal the pink eyed pigeons coo
That people they just ain't no good

To our love send back all the letters
To our love a valentine of blood
To our love let all the jilted lovers cry
That people they ain't no good

It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They can comfort you, som even try
They nurse you when you're ill of health
They bury you when you go and die
It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They'd stick by you if they could

But that's just bullshit
People just ain't no good
People just ain't no good 
People just ain't no good
People just ain't no good
People just ain't no good at all

Complete visuality pt 1


"And everyone is ashamed of you"

Hello. I'll keep myself anonymous because I honestly think having a blog is cheesy, but I also couldn't keep myself from sharing me and my life with the world. Or at least give people the oppurtunity to take a look. I guess I'm not a very private person.
Everybody see, this is a hard ride for I am not a very interesting person, but I'll tell you everything there is to know about me.
I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, have spent more than enough time being hospitalized and unfortunately had to drop out of high school.  So, so far, I'm a mentally ill high school dropout.
I'll tell you a little about being schizophrenic:
It's awful.
And I'm afraid that is all there is to say about it - you wake up in the middle of the night, and someone put a dead pig in your room. Your own mother put up a camera to film you puking after you had binged. You were forced by your own mind to overdose on paracetamol. The robot insects films you, and you have to cover every hole in your room with toothpaste. You laugh at something sad, and everyone is ashamed of you.
Hideous, hideous, I tell you.
But as I said, I won't keep anything from you; everything I experience you'll experience.
I used to write stories, but after I have fallen ill, I haven't got that much of a surplus to do anything, but I'll share some stories with you once in a while. I'm working on a major novel called Dance with Lonely Shadows, and actually - right now, I'll tell you what it's about:
It's about this guy, a lonely fellow. He's a social worker, and ends up hitting one of his clients with his car, by accident, of course. He can't just leave the corpse there, so he decides to take it home sdkdklsdlksdk I just realised I'm really bad at telling what my stories are about. I'll just post some of it later, it's easier that way.
Also, I started playing guitar. I'm really bad at it. And I write music. Which I also am really bad at. I can't sing. Or play. Or write lyrics. Or music. DON'T WORRY, I'LL SHARE IT ANYWAY!
It's just, I don't feel like leaving this Earth before I've published a book and an EP.


P.S. if you hate someone really bad, go glitter them http://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/.